Desperate Joy

  Photo by cottonbro studio When I was a teenager, around fifteen or sixteen, my sister went off to college, taking her driver's license with her. After that, my mom said I was on my own to ride my bike to school each day. At first, I was angry about my mom's unwillingness to drive me, but I came to enjoy riding my bike. I would get home, and my mom would be upstairs in her room doing her thing, my dad would be off at work, and I would be on my own with an unfiltered internet connection. This was how my addiction to pornography got started. The feeling of the empty house reflected an emptiness in my own heart, a feeling of lostness, of being abandoned. I needed something to fill that void, and there was porn. In the last few posts, we have been discussing shame in both its toxic and healthy form. Healthy shame encourages us to turn from our bad behavior and connect with God and others. Toxic shame drives us into isolation and unhealthy behaviors. Toxic shame is always...

  The Return of the Prodigal Son, c. 1669. Oil on canvas, 262 x 206 cm. The Hermitage, St. Petersburg REMBRANDT Harmenszoon van Rijn (b. 1606, Leiden, d. 1669, Amsterdam) Courtesy of the Web Gallery of Art * As an addict in recovery, the topic of shame comes up frequently. Most of the time people consider it to be a bad thing that should be avoided at any cost. But I am also a Bible-believing Christian, and the idea of shame becomes problematic. Because the Bible is one of the most shame-filled books you can read. Here is what the Bible says in Romans 3:10-13, “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:   There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one. Their throat is an open sepulcher; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips."   It goes on, but you get the idea, "We are all d...