The Mask of Saul of Tarsus

 

In the previous post we looked at the idea that we have damaged hearts and souls, and like Adam and Eve in the Garden we try to cover that damage with fig leaves, masks, and personas.  We put on disguises, like being perfectionists, workaholics, addicts, the clown, or the over-achiever to hide our authentic selves from God and those around us.  The Bible has many examples of people who had these personas built up around their true selves due to their own hard heartedness and Satan's deceptions.  One such dramatic example is Saul of Tarsus.

Saul hated Christians.  He despised them, he believed they were an insult and an assault on the true worship of Jehovah and the Temple Worship of Judaism.  Saul was a strict rule keeper and was fastidious in his adherence to the Mosaic law.  When the Apostles started preaching about salvation through faith in Christ, and the grace of God being available to all, he couldn't stand for this.  His zeal for God drove him to persecute Christians and drive them from Jerusalem and all Israel.

Saul of Tarsus would later come to be known as the Apostle Paul and he describes himself this way (Philippians 3:4-6),

"4.  Though I might also have confidence in the flesh.  If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more:

5.  Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee;

6.  Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless."

Paul describes the masks he wore in vivid detail.  He was ethnically pure, a "Hebrew of the Hebrews."  He was righteous, following every tiny rule of the law.  No one was more zealous for the Lord than him.  All of this Paul built up as a façade around his own feelings of inadequacy and feelings of worthlessness.  Paul had the "try harder and do more" philosophy, "Maybe if I do better and try harder, then I will accept myself and God and others will accept me as well."  Perhaps this sounds familiar, I know it does for me.

When we first find Saul in the Bible, he is a witness at the stoning of the righteous preacher Stephen.  The book of Acts records that he was standing by, holding the coats of those who were throwing the stones and was in agreement with them.  Soon Saul set out on his own mission to persecute Christians.  "As for Saul, he made havoc of the church, entering into every house, and haling men and women committed them to prison." (Acts 8:3)

But then something amazing happens.  Saul was on his way to Damascus to continue his crusade against the infant Christian church.  Acts 9 says he was "breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord."(v. 1, I encourage you to read the full dramatic narrative there.)  Along the way Saul has a face-to-face confrontation with God Himself.  In the process he is struck blind and humbled by the glory of God.  The light of the Lord shines through his persona, and cuts through all the masks he was wearing, and lays bare the real man that was hiding beneath.  Saul came to see the resurrected Christ for who He truly was, God incarnate.  When he saw the Lord for who He truly is, he began to see himself for who he really was as well.

It is interesting that God chose to blind Saul.  In the midst of his denial, he believed he was seeing clearly.  It was those Christians that were blind, his mental and spiritual sight was perfect.  When God blinded him physically, the eyes of his heart were opened, and he could see the truth.  He could see his sin, his faults, his arrogance, pride, and self-righteousness for the first time in his life.

"In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not..." Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:4.  Satan is that god of this world and is hard at work blinding our hearts and minds.  He blinds us so that we do not recognize our own sin and uncleanness.  We put on our fig leaf costumes, and Satan continues to whisper his lies until we forget the fact that we even put on a costume to begin with.  We have been wearing masks for so long that we don't even realize we are wearing them anymore.

In his blinded state Scripture says that Saul had to be led by the hand like a child.  This is what needs to happen to us.  "Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein."(Mark 10:15).  Our shields and armor all has to be broken down.  Our belief that we have it all together and have everything under control has to be demolished.  The lies that tell us we are not good enough have to be thrown down.  We have to revert and become like children again, humble, willing to learn and grow.  Willing to ask for help.

We have to lay down our false identities.  We may think of ourselves as the successful businessman, the talented singer, the rebel, the drug addict, the good father or mother, whatever identity we have embraced to shield ourselves from the tyranny of shame must be broken down and we have to become meek and humble as a child and be willing to be led, to be taught.

On that day on the Damascus road, Saul was utterly crushed beneath the glory of God.  His persona was shattered.  Saul had to be broken before Paul could be revealed.  The persecutor of Christians had to be razed before the fiery Gospel preacher could rise.

In many ways Saul had to go back to square one and start all over again.  We use the term "born again" often enough and this is what it means in one sense.  Saul became willing to be reborn and start a whole new life in Christ.

Before this encounter on the Damascus road, Paul identified himself primarily through his ethnicity and religiosity, his adherence to a set of beliefs and practices.  He was a devout Jew.  He was a Pharisee.  After his conversion, he came to be identified with Christ and Him alone.  Christ became the sum and substance of his being.  And Christ rebuilt Saul from the inside out and made him into the man he was meant to be his whole life.

This is what Christ wants to do in our lives as well.  He wants to shine His light into our hearts and transform us, but we must be willing to lay aside our false identities, our false pride, and reveal the pain and weakness we have been hiding our whole lives.  This is a painful process, but it is the only way that God can redeem us and make us into the men and women He wants us to be.  He has a glorious destiny available to us, but we must be humble enough to invite God into those broken places in our hearts and ask Him to heal them.