Desperate Joy

  Photo by James Wheeler at https://www.pexels.com/ In the summer before my freshman year of high school my family moved to a new town, and I started in a new school. To this day, I feel awkward coming into a new location, or a new job. It takes me a while to feel comfortable and confident in a new situation. When I was a gangly, weird teenager, it was much worse. I had difficulty fitting in and finding new friends and was subject to some bullying. I felt isolated and lonely at times. After that freshman year, my sister went off to college, and I had to ride my bike to school because she had a driver's license and would drive us. For some reason, my mom did not want to drive me. I made a few friends during that year and had some connections at school, but then I would ride my bike home, and the house would basically be empty. Eventually my mom would come downstairs to cook dinner for when my dad would come home from work. I know now my mom had struggled with depression for...

  Image by  Holger Langmaier  from  Pixabay Those who know my story or have been reading this blog for any amount of time will know that I am an addict. My drug of choice is porn. That addiction dragged me to some dark places, and I ended up in Federal prison where I am now. We all have a hurt, a God-shaped scar on our soul. A piece of us that is hollowed out. As children we looked to our family to fill that void and heal the scar. Our caregivers usually meant well, but often their best intentions still left us wounded. It is an unfortunate reality that in most cases our parents and siblings are broken themselves and instead of pouring ointment into the gash, they poured in salt and vinegar. They loved us and wanted the best for us, but their love is still a fractured gift, it may have been genuine, but it was still tainted. For others of us, those caregivers abandoned us, or worse, tormented us further. Opening the wound even deeper. So, we looked to our frien...

  Image by  chanwit whanset  from  Pixabay "But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness to him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." - 1 Corinthians 2:14 There is a war going on in our hearts and minds between the natural man and the spiritual man. This battle is also described as being between the flesh and the spirit. For those of us who are in Christ there is an old nature and a new nature, and they are in constant conflict. What the Bible is saying here is that we need spiritual discernment to reject the old, fleshly, natural part of our selves and to embrace our new, spiritual, holy nature. We live in a physical, natural reality that we perceive with our five senses, but we also live in a spiritual reality. We often miss out on the spiritual reality because we lack spiritual discernment.   We allow those fleshly, temporal things to distract us from our relationship with God an...

  Image by  Ronald Sandino  from  Pixabay I grew up in a very strict, rigid, conservative Christian home. We had lots of rules. Many TV shows we did not watch, no rated "R" movies, no rock or popular music. Even modern Christian music was off limits. We had high standards for dress and behavior, and, of course, no smoking and drinking. Most churches have standards of some form or another, and many churches still hold to these kinds of strict standards. These rules may be useful at times. As young Christians many times we struggle to understand what righteousness and holiness are all about. How do we live a holy life? What does it mean to be righteous? Living a Christ-like life can be kind of vague, ephemeral, or mystical, and we can't quite wrap our minds around it. The Bible tells us to walk in the Spirit, but that seems even more vague and mystical than being like Christ. At least in following Christ's example we have the Gospels to look at. What ends up ha...

  Photo by JÉSHOOTS "For everyone that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil."   - Hebrews 5:13-14 Small plastic bowls and containers are difficult to come by in prison, so I will look for containers I can reuse or repurpose. In the commissary here they sell small tubs of sliced jalapenos and when I have used up all the jalapenos, I will pour out the vinegar and jalapeno juice and wash the bowl out to reuse for other things. The problem is that when I pour out the jalapeno juice, the flavor and the aroma of the jalapenos lingers in the plastic. This essence of jalapeno will then infuse whatever I put in the bowl, and often leave my whole locker smelling of jalapenos. Eventually this essence of jalapeno washes or wears out, and the container is much more useful. We live in the world with its ...

  Photo by Benyamin Bohlouli on Unsplash More than 700 years before Christ was born, Ahaz was king of Judah. The Prophet Isaiah delivered a difficult message to him, because of Judah's great sin and rebellion against God, they would be taken captive by the Assyrians and the land would be left desolate. But Isaiah also had a message of hope. Under Divine inspiration he told Ahaz to ask God for a sign. Ahaz refused, and here is how Isaiah responded (Isaiah 7:14-16), "Therefore, the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil and choose the good. For before the child shall know to refuse the evil, and choose the good, the land that thou abhorrest shall be forsaken of both her kings." This is one of the most clear and profound prophesies about the birth of Jesus Christ. Even though Ahaz was looking forward to some terrible days...