Only 100% Will Do

 

If you approached an older married couple who has had a long-lasting marriage and asked them what has been the key to their successful marriage, there is a good chance that they may say something like, "We do everything 50-50."  That is, the husband does 50% of the work and the wife picks up the other 50%.  There is probably some wisdom in this when it comes to household chores, but when it comes to the foundational love and commitment in a marriage, 50% is entirely inadequate.

In the previous post we started developing this idea that the love expressed within marriage should reflect the love Christ has for the church (see Ephesians 5).  When we consider Christ's love we find that it is always free, total, faithful and fruitful.  We looked at how Christ gives his love freely last time, this time we will consider how Christ's love is total. 

"...[W]hen Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end." - John 13:1

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13

"[Christ] gives his body totally - without reservation, condition, or selfish calculation." - Christopher West

Christ gives us the model of what total love looks like.  It is complete and without condition.  He always loves us with 100%, with the entirety of his being.  It is important to remember that Christ's love is an embodied love.  It is not theoretical or abstract, it is not just words spoken into the air or written on a page.  It is love made into bone and flesh, it is real and tangible.  When Christ gives us his total love, it is manifested in his body that he gave for us.  He willingly laid down his life in order to see that we can have a flourishing life for all eternity.

Christ's total love is most magnificently displayed when he poured out his life blood for us on the Cross.  We were lost in our sins.  We were rebels and enemies of God, but he readily paid the ultimate price in order to bring us redemption and reconciliation.  On the Cross, Christ held nothing back, but laid it all on the line.  Every ounce of his being was squeezed out, because he knew that was the only way to heal our broken souls.

This is certainly a grand example of total love, and many of us, in the throes of youthful infatuation have perhaps uttered similar sentiments.  It is easy for us to say, "I would die for you!"  There was a pop song a few years back that had lyrics, "I would catch a grenade for you, put my hand on a blade for you, I would do anything for you!"  No doubt there are dozens if not hundreds of love songs that express a similar sentiment.  Of course, only a handful of us will ever find ourselves in a situation where we will have the opportunity to die for someone else.  The greater challenge is for us to live for another person, to give that total love every day for years on end.

The verse from John 13 above is taken from the scene where Jesus stoops down to wash his disciple's feet.  His love was not just a grand, one time gesture at the Cross, (although that grand gesture should be enough to win our eternal loyalty and affection) no, Christ's love seeps into the mundane day to day.  His love is a love that stoops into the dust and dirt and washes the mud from between toes.  It doesn't just sacrifice one time, he lives a lifestyle of self-sacrifice.  His love is a daily gift, looking for the smallest need that he can meet.

This is our example for total love.  When we engage with our spouses in the nuptial embrace, it is to be in the form of this complete gift.  We give our bodies to one another as a total, whole-hearted gift.  We seek only to bring joy and satisfaction to our partner.  Nothing is held back and nothing is asked in return except for the joy that we might bring them.  

This is the fundamental purpose of our bodies, to serve as a gift to be freely and totally given to our Savior and our spouses.  Just as Christ laid down his life for us, we are to lay down our lives as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1).  Through our sexuality we present our bodies as a living sacrifice to our partners, replaying Christ's total gift of self. 

We cannot possibly present ourselves as a free and total gift to our spouses if we are cheating and giving ourselves to another.  We cannot give our bodies completely and without reserve to two people at the same time.  There is a physical and spiritual union that occurs anytime people have sex that is often described in Scripture as becoming "one flesh."  Every time we have sex, that union is made, and when we move from one partner to another, we leave a piece of ourselves spiritually and emotionally with that partner.  If a man is sleeping with women besides his wife, those other women claim parts of him that he can no longer give to his wife, and because of this he cannot display Christ's gift of total love.

Something similar happens with pornography.  When we are allowing other men and women to occupy our thoughts and fantasies, then a fragment of our soul is being given to another, and becomes tied to that other person.  These mental and emotional bonds prevent us from giving our entire being as a gift to our loved one.

For those of us who are not married, we have the opportunity to offer our bodies as a free an total gift to the Lord.  All of us, married or not, are called to lay down our lives as a living sacrifice, but the unmarried are able to do this in a way that the married cannot.  We are free from the responsibilities and demands of married life and can give our complete focus and energy to the Kingdom of God(See 1 Corinthians 7).  Those who are not married are able to give even more of ourselves to the Lord as a free gift.  

It is always a temptation for us to keep back some part of ourselves from the Lord and from our spouses, but if we are going to reflect God's total love in our relationships then we will give them our all.  We will not hold back some small part of ourselves, we will not keep that one little secret locked in a closet.  Understanding this is central to understanding the purpose of our bodies, sexuality and marriage.  As we live out God's purposes and plans for our lives, we will find satisfaction and joy that could never be found otherwise.

Our bodies and sexuality are designed as a signpost to point people to Christ.  People should be able to witness either our Christ-centered celibacy or faithful marriages and see the love of Christ shining through.  This love is free.  This love is total.  This love is also faithful and fruitful, we will look at that next time.