Relapse Prevention

 

One of the most important aspects of recovery is learning what exactly it is we are trying to get out of our addictive behavior. Addiction is never just about the acting out behavior or the pleasure we gain from it. There are deeper reasons as to why we go back to the addiction time and time again despite so many negative consequences. We have been exploring these ideas over the last few weeks. We started looking at triggers and have gotten down to the root, the false beliefs that are built into the foundation of the addiction.

A few years back I did group therapy, and they offered me many useful tools to help me in this process of identifying those false beliefs. One of the most helpful was what they called a "Relapse PreventionSheet" [https://familystrategies.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Relapse-Prevention-Sheet.pdf] or RPS for short.

If we felt triggered or in danger of acting out, we were encouraged to fill one out. For a long while, I mostly used it after I had slipped into my acting out behaviors. It helped me identify the automatic thoughts and false beliefs underlying the behaviors.

The form has blanks for us to fill out, identifying the circumstances, triggers, emotions, and feelings around the situation. Then there are several places to fill out automatic thoughts, then core beliefs and rational responses. There are several spots for those because we may have many automatic thoughts and it can be useful to look at each one.

On the back there are spots to list preceding behaviors - these are the steps that led up to feeling triggered, activities that are not acting out themselves but take us into the neighborhood. Things like cruising or doing image searches on the internet are examples of these.

The next place has negative consequences, which is fairly self-explanatory, what would be the negative consequences if we act out, what would the fallout be? Losing our clean time is an example, jeopardizing our employment or important relationships, wasting time are examples.

Recovery techniques/tools and behaviors are next, these are things like going to a Twelve Step meeting, praying, journaling, making a phone call and so on.

The last space is for positive consequences, again, fairly straightforward, we might put things like peace and joy, strong relationships, and more time to pursue healthy activities.

An example we found in my journal looks something like this:

Triggers:

I was feeling frustrated and discouraged, even depressed because my car was in the shop getting fixed and it was taking a lot of time and money. I was stuck at home feeling isolated and bored.

Emotions/feelings:

Depressed, sad, lonely

Automatic Thought:

I am in a stressful situation; I deserve to relax and act out with porn.

Core Belief:

Porn and masturbation are my greatest needs.

Rational Response:

Just because my car is in the shop and I am frustrated is not a good reason to act out. I was in a bad mood and wanted to be in a good mood. I need to learn to live with negative emotions and grow in maturity and self-control. Acting out only makes things worse. It only makes me more lonely, frustrated, and isolated. In the future I want to be careful to put together a plan and a schedule for when my car is in the shop so that I don't fall into relapse. I should plan to get out of the house even to just take a walk around the block or go to the park to sit and meditate. I fell into masturbation early in the morning, not wanting to get up and do my morning routine. That evening and morning routine are especially important. Reaching out and contacting others is important as well. If I am planning to drop my car at the mechanic, I want to make a good plan to be in touch with other people in the program and try to get rides to a meeting. I can also spend more time in the common areas of the house. If I am going to stay home and play a video game or watch videos, I can do that there.

Automatic Thought:

I feel bad and I want to use masturbation to feel good.

Core Belief:

Masturbation is my greatest need.

Rational Response:

Acting out does make me feel better for a while, but in the end, it pulls me into sadness, despair, depression, and loneliness. Acting out only makes all that worse. A healthy response is to ride the wave of discomfort, remembering that it will pass. Joy is found in the presence of the Lord, not in porn.

Preceding Behaviors:

Lingering in bed, hanging out in my room alone, car in the shop, taking a nap.

Negative Consequences:

Wasting time and opening myself up to spiritual and emotional attacks. Being wrapped up in guilt and shame. Depression. Feeling sadder and lonelier. There is potential that I end up pursuing even more dangerous behaviors and end up destroying myself.

Recovery Techniques:

Having a plan to manage those kinds of days and times. Making phone calls, staying accountable, checking my plans in with others. Making meetings a priority, even if it means walking or asking for a ride. Taking a deep breath, relaxing, and praying, quoting, and meditating on Scripture. Taking a walk, getting out of the room.

Positive consequences:

I will feel more encouraged, have a deeper connection with God. I will be walking in the light of the Spirit. I will be filled with peace, love, and joy. I will enjoy being pure and holy.

It is a fairly simple tool, but it is very helpful. This became part of my journaling routine many times. After doing this worksheet many, many times, I learned the steps and can work through them from memory. After even more time working on it in my journal, I now have this process internalized, and if I find myself in a slippery situation or if I have acted out, I can think through this without the sheet, though I will still usually journal about it.

The goal is to discover the automatic thoughts and false beliefs underlying the addictive behavior so we can effectively combat them. The way we do that is through applying the truth, "Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."(John 8:32) We will look at that more next time.