The Enemy's Favorite Weapon
Photo by Julia Taubitz on Unsplash
One of Satan's most powerful and frightening weapons is toxic shame.
He sneaks into the deepest parts of our hearts and minds and
uses it to cripples us. He makes us believe that our enemies are friends, and
our friends are enemies. Toxic shame makes us doubt our own goodness and value
and makes us believe that the best thing we can do is to destroy ourselves. It
is the driving force behind depression, addiction, self-mutilation, eating
disorders and myriad other issues.
It was this toxic shame that Satan used to try to overthrow
the Lord Jesus Christ when he faced his temptation in the wilderness. Matthew
4:3 records this, "...If you are the Son of God, command these stones to
become loaves of bread." And again,
in verse 6, "And said to him, 'If you are the Son of God, throw yourself
down...'"
In two out of three temptations Satan attacked Christ with
the phrase, "If you are the Son of God..." Satan wanted Jesus to doubt his identity as
the Son of God. He wanted him to question his relationship with his Father. If
Satan could somehow convince Jesus that he was not truly God's Son, perhaps he
could convince him to disobey God and sin. He wanted to drive a wedge between
Jesus and his Heavenly Father, to separate them, disconnect them.
Satan uses toxic shame in the same way to attack us and
cause us to doubt our identity. Toxic shame mutters, "You are worthless, inadequate,
no one would love you as you are. If you were really a child of God, you
wouldn't keep doing those things. God would never love you after what you did. If
anybody really knew you, they would hate you." Toxic shame makes us doubt our own goodness
and virtue. It makes us believe that we are not valuable, it tells us we are
garbage, the scum of the earth. More than anything it makes us believe that we
are not worthy of love. It makes us hate ourselves, and when we hate ourselves,
we will end up pushing away God and the people who love us best.
Toxic shame threatens to dissolve the bonds that keep us
connected in loving relationships and spiritually and emotionally healthy.
For most of my life I was addicted to pornography, and as
with all addictions, toxic shame was a driving force behind it. I would feel
worthless and inadequate so I would go to porn to feel some relief, some
pleasure, power and control. Inevitably I would be filled with even more guilt
and shame afterwards. I would hear the voice of toxic shame, "If I was
really a Christian, I would not continue to look at porn. If I really loved
God, I would stop indulging in fantasy and masturbation. If anybody finds out I
will be rejected and abandoned." I
would feel more unworthy and unlovable, so I would go to porn to feel good once
again. And so on, over and over again, day after day, year after year...
Just as Satan tried to separate God the Father from God the
Son, he will try to separate us from those we love and care about the most and
from those who love and care for us the most. He knows that if he can get us
separated and isolated, we will become easy prey. The wolf knows that a lone
sheep is a dead sheep.
So toxic shame makes us believe that if anybody really knew
us, if they knew our darkest secrets, then they would push us away and leave us
isolated and alone. It convinces us that we are on our own to meet our needs
and so we look to sin and addiction to meet those needs and, in the end, we
destroy ourselves. Satan uses toxic shame to prod us further and further along
the path of destruction, keeping us trapped in behaviors that continue to kill
us.
The Apostle Paul encourages us to face this enemy head on,
"Casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalteth itself
against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the
obedience of Christ."(2 Corinthians 10:5)
We must recognize that these toxic messages are not from our
Heavenly Father, he has nothing but love and respect for us. He wants us to
break free from the addiction and sin that keeps us captive. He sacrificed his
Son so that we could be liberated and find flourishing. His great delight is to
see us grow in every grace.
We can learn to recognize the voice of our enemy. He is
wily, sneaky and bold. He will disguise himself as an angel of light. He will
make us believe those voices come from our own hearts and minds or even from
God himself.
Satan likes to use proxies as well, he will use parents,
teachers, pastors and others to carry his darts of toxic shame. Often those we
love the most will be his messengers, speaking vile lies into our lives. These messages were often spoken to us when
were young and impressionable and have just become a part of the background
noise in our minds, the ongoing narrative we are telling ourselves. But we need
to recognize that when that voice chimes in, "You are such a
screw-up." "You are such a
failure." "You will never
measure up." (Sometimes we hear "I" instead of "you"
in statements like these.) Those are lies from the enemy, and we need to
dismantle them with the truth. Even if these words are on the lips of someone
we love, we must realize they are singing Satan's song.
There are times when God will use healthy shame to prod us
back into relationship with him, but he never uses toxic shame. The shame he
uses always has healing, restoration and relationship in mind. He will
discipline us when we go astray, but his arms are always open with a warm
embrace every time we return.
Satan has and will continue to feed us these lies of toxic
shame, trying to get us to doubt our position and relationship with our Lord
Jesus Christ. We must become aware of these lies and learn to speak the truth
into our lives so we can step out of the darkness of sin and addiction and into
the light of life and grace.
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