Redeeming Sexuality

 

One of the purposes I have in mind for this blog is to open up a conversation around sexual matters, especially as it pertains to sex addiction and the purpose and meaning of sexuality within a Christian framework.  What does healthy, Christ-honoring sexuality look like?

This has been a journey and a struggle for me.  Sexuality has been a burden for me all of my life.  I became addicted to internet pornography straight away in adolescence and it has clung to me like a remora ever since.  In recent days I have found some relief, but from adolescence on, not a day has gone by where I did not engage in mortal battle with my sexuality.

It is like I have been caught in a tug of war.  I have always had a burning passion to serve the Lord, but then my sexuality would pull me away.  For me sexuality has always been a source of confusion, pain, and suffering.  I do not believe that this is what God intended.

The vast majority of preachers are decidedly awkward in their avoidance of sexual matters.  Thus it has always been.  Though I believe some progress has been made.  It is funny because it is something that we all know is an issue.  Everybody is sexual.  Everybody is a male or female and has sexual organs to match.  We all know that our conception was the result of the sexual union between our mothers and fathers, but for some reason we find it difficult to talk of such things in public, or from the pulpit.

Certainly, our culture and most people in the world do not hesitate to speak of sexual things, but these conversations are usually centered on bawdy jokes, macho boasting, or double entendres.  We talk about sex all the time, but we never talk about it with any seriousness.  We discuss it like the results of the Monday night game, or the most recent blockbuster movie, but very little deliberate, earnest thought is given to it, though we all know it is one of the most important and vital parts of human experience.  After all, it is how new life is brought into the world.

I know God's intention was not for me to have a broken sexual experience.  His desire is to redeem and restore my sexuality and use it for His glory and honor.  My story of addiction and incarceration is all part of that.

Growing up, the only message I heard around sexuality was "wait until marriage."  My senior year of high school a new youth pastor came to our church, Stanley Sherman (I have changed the name).  He was a good old boy from Tennessee, fresh out of college and full of zeal.  He was married to a lovely, godly woman and they had an infant son.

He would preach at us and encourage us to stay abstinent until marriage.  An analogy he liked to use was that of baking cookies.  He would say that you do not want to eat the cookies until the baking process is complete, it isn't healthy or safe (though many may contend that cookie dough is a wonderful thing).  Once the baking process is complete, then the cookies are safe to eat, and they are delightful.  So also, we should wait until after marriage to enjoy our sexuality.

Stan Sherman painted a picture of the joy and delight that could be had in marriage.  I still grin when I think of the time he was waxing colorful about his relationship with his wife, "I call my wife, 'babe-a-licious' because she is dee-licious."  I can hear his drawl now.  Perhaps a bit too much information, but I appreciate the sentiment.

A few years later, I would go to college and come back to work with Stanley Sherman.  He ended up getting fired and his family having to move away because he was caught with pornography on his computer.  I suppose this is ironic.

I tell this story to highlight the fact that for many, the abstinence until marriage message falls short.  I, as much as anyone, understand that pornography addiction is a complex and difficult thing and there is not a simple solution for any of us.

I do not think that Sherman or any other preachers I heard were wrong to encourage us to be abstinent.  That is what the Bible teaches and is God's plan.  For many, the simple message of, "The Bible says so." is enough.  It was for me, in a sense.  But it did not help me control my passions or avoid pornography.  And for those who are unmarried and perhaps never will be married, it offers little hope that our sexuality will have any meaning.

I believe we need something more, something with more depth and meaning.  Not just, "Stay abstinent."  But "Why does God want me to stay abstinent?"  Not just, "Pornography is wrong."  But "Why is pornography wrong?"  "What is the purpose and meaning behind my sexuality?"

The secular culture has been pushing sexual liberation for many years and continues to push it further and further each day into more wicked and bizarre territory, and the church has been caught flat footed against the onslaught.  Hollywood paints vivid, compelling images and narratives of the beauty of a sexual freedom.  (I use "freedom" here not in any true, spiritual sense, I know as well as anyone that what the world calls sexual freedom only leads to spiritual, emotional, mental, and for me, physical, literal bondage.)  Free love, "the heart want what the heart wants," "you can't choose who you love" and all that rings true for many, and Christianity as a whole has not had a robust, compelling response.  Outside of the message of abstinence we have largely we have been silent.

I want to look at what God has revealed in the Bible about our bodies and our sexuality and His purposes and plans for it.  Some of this I have touched on in past articles, and I may revisit some of that.  I am drawing largely on "Our Bodies Tell God's Story" by Christopher West (Who, in turn, is drawing on teaching from Pope John Paul II.  I am not a Catholic and do not support much of their teaching, but this material is solid.)  More than ever, we need to shine the light of God's glory and goodness into the dark chaos of this world, and one of the best ways we can do that is by honoring the Lord in our sexuality and demonstrating that the truest and fullest satisfaction comes as we follow God's purpose and plan.