The Beauty of Gender Roles

 

I grew up in a home where my parents modeled more traditional gender roles for the most part.  My dad was the dominant figure, though my mom had her moments as well.  She was more the spiritual anchor of the family, but my dad made sure we were at church three times a week.  Until I was in school around five, my mom stayed home to care for my sister and myself and my dad worked full time.  Once my sister and I were at school full-time, my mom began to teach full-time at the same Christian school my sister and I attended.  This arrangement worked well for our family.

Gender roles have certainly fallen on hard times.  There is some good that has come from this, and there is some bad.  I have been encouraged to see many fathers step into more nurturing roles, and certainly many areas of the economy have benefitted from women becoming more active participants. 

What we can't escape, though, is that God has a specific design for marriage, including different roles for men and women.  It is obvious that God created men and women with man differences in our bodies and genetic makeup, but these differences extend to our minds, emotions, and souls as well.   My desire is to look into Scripture to see how God has designed for marriage to operate.

In Ephesians 5 we have some of the most direct teaching on the topic from the Apostle Paul.

"21. Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be unto their own husbands in everything.

25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.  He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they two shall be one flesh.

32. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

This passage makes it abundantly clear that God has a specific plan for man and woman within the marriage relationship.  Over the last few weeks, we have looked at two stories from the Old Testament books of Ezekiel and Hosea that illustrate how God related to the nation of Israel, and by extension how he wants husbands and wives to relate to each other.

I am not married, but hope to be one day, so what stands out to me is the instruction and the example given to husbands.  Men are to be reflections of the Lord in their relationships.  If I want to learn how to be a good husband, I should look at how God relates to Israel and how Christ relates to the church. 

One of the first things I notice is that God is very assertive and proactive in the relationship.  In Ezekiel 16, he found Israel in a desperate situation and does everything necessary to see her redeemed and restored.  He does not sit passively by and wait for Israel to come to him, no, he searches for her, finds her, and wins her to himself.  He does let her wallow in the filth of sin but cleanses her and makes her pure and virtuous.

It is certainly not our job to redeem anyone, only Christ can do that, but we can still provide proactive, spiritual leadership.  If we have a relationship, we can speak truth into her life and lead her in faith.  Verse 26 above points out that Christ washes the church with the water of his Word.  The Word of God should be preeminent in the married life, and it is the man's responsibility to minister it within the home.  God wants to bring healing and restoration to husbands, wives, and whole families and this is primarily done through the ministry of the word.  The husband should be the spiritual leader in the relationship, walking closely with the Lord and leading his wife to do the same.

Christ's love for the church is self-sacrificing and life-giving, it is dynamic and powerful.  There is no question that Christ loves the church.  Even so, husbands should love their wives with the same self-sacrificing, life-giving love.  Even as husbands are called to be leaders, they are called to lead from a position of self-sacrifice.  We should pay whatever price is necessary to see that our wives are provided and cared for and are thriving spiritually, as much as it is in our power to do so.  If there is difficulty or disagreement, the husband should be the one to initiate reconciliation and restoration.  Our love should reflect Christ's faithful, steadfast, eternal, covenantal love.  This is a high call, impossible to achieve in our own power and ability.  The only way to do it is to be filled with the Holy Spirit and walking in his love. 

We need to be men that are filled with the divine love of the Holy Spirit and are pouring that love into the lives of the women God brings into our lives.  It is easy to be lethargic and passive in relationships, to just show up to church and call it enough, but God wants more from us and from our marriages.  Our marriages are meant to shine with the light of his goodness and redemption, and husbands providing loving, Christ-centered leadership is an essential part of that.  Men, we are called to be images of Christ in our relationships.  It is time for us to step into that calling.