The Automatic Thoughts Behind Addiction

 

One of the programs they offer at this facility is a self-study program through the psychology department. Every month or so they offer self-help books on a range of topics from criminal thinking to relapse prevention. We can borrow these books, do the work in them, and receive certificates indicating that we have completed the book.

Recently, I picked up a book on changing habits. Many of these books I have done are not that helpful, but I pick them up in hopes that I will learn something and so that I have certificates to show a future judge or probation officer that I have been working at rehabilitation. I was not expecting to learn much from this book, but I was pleasantly surprised to find it had great insights into the thinking processes underlying my addiction.

As I worked through it, they presented this idea of automatic thoughts that are precursors to the bad habit, or in the case of those of us in addiction, the acting out behaviors.

Think about driving a car. If you have been driving for a while, there are so many things that we do without really thinking about it. We slide into the driver's seat, put the key in the ignition, turn it, adjust the seat and mirrors if needed, put on the seat belt(hopefully), put the shift into drive, press the throttle and we are on our way. There are hundreds of large and small habits that go into our driving that we do without any conscious thought.

At first, when we were learning, we had to really think about it, concentrate and focus on checking mirrors, using turn indicators, operating gas and brake pedals while steering. We can all recall that initial effort, but after a while, all the complicated motions became little more than muscle memory, almost instinctual. There are so many things we do every day that took effort and concentration initially but now we do them without really thinking: tying our shoes, cooking, doing dishes, brushing our teeth.

This is a good thing when we have these automatic processes established for good behaviors, but it is bad when they are hurting us. The more automatic the behaviors are and the longer we have been doing them, the more challenging it is to stop or change them.

This is what happens in the addiction. At first, we put some thought into our behaviors, though usually not much. Some of our acting out patterns involved careful planning and preparation. Over time these behaviors became more and more automatic, there was less and less mental processing happening. Even if we were planning our escapades, that became nearly automatic, our rational mind sitting in the back seat while our libido took the wheel. We were just going through the motions.

Eventually we came to the place where we wanted to change these harmful behaviors, but they were so engrained it is difficult to break free. But we can break free as we learn to change the way that we think.

Scripture teaches the necessity of changing the way we think, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."(2 Corinthians 10:5)  God has enabled us to be able to identify the thoughts and beliefs that are leading into sin, tear them down and bring them into captivity.  If we do not overthrow these ideas and imaginations, we will remain enslaved to them, but we know that in Christ we can gain the victory if we are bold and diligent to fight. God has given us the ability to think about our habits and our patterns of thinking and change them, but this takes work.

We can look at all the automatic things we do when we operate a car and understand there is a thought process behind it, even if it is buried in our subconscious. We know the seat belt is there to keep us safe and protect us in case we get into an accident. We know the gas pedal gradually adds fuel to the engine to make the car go faster, and the more we press on the brake pedal the more we slow down until the car stops. We don't think, "Gas means go" and "brake means stop" every time we press on them, but those thoughts are operating in the background.

An important part of recovery for me has been to look at my acting out behaviors and examine them. What are the thought processes going on beneath the surface? What are the automatic thoughts that are driving my behaviors? What am I getting out of it?

Sometimes it was as simple as, "I am bored, I want to have some fun and feel good, so I am going to look at porn."  "I just saw a hot girl on TV, I wonder if I can find sexy pictures of her online?"  Other times it was more nuanced, "I just got yelled at by my boss, I want to feel dominant and in control, so I am going to look at porn."  "It is Mother’s Day, and my mom is not talking to me, I feel sad and alone, I am going to look at porn to find some comfort."

As we think about these automatic thoughts, we can see that many times it is not about porn itself, but some other issue underlying it. This is the crux of addiction, it is never just about the behavior or substance involved, it is about so much more. Investigating each acting out event helps us dissect our own hearts and minds so we can see what the problem truly is and begin to work to find healing.

It can take some practice and time to learn these automatic thoughts, they are not always apparent. But over time we begin to see patterns, certain types of events trigger mental and emotional states that lead us into our acting out behaviors. This allows us to form strategies and tactics to manage those situations and emotional states in a healthier manner.

In the next post, I will go a little deeper to look into the false beliefs that are at the root of most of our automatic thoughts.