The False Beliefs that Feed Our Sickness

In the New Testament one of the most important and profound things that we can learn is that we are in the middle of a spiritual war. The Apostle Peter warned us, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist steadfast in the faith."(1 Peter 5:8-9)  Paul admonishes us as well, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."

For those of us who have struggled in addictions, we know all too well about this battle.

Satan's weapons are primarily lies, deceit and false beliefs. Jesus described Satan as the father of lies (John 8:44). When he first appears in the Garden of Eden, we find him feeding falsehoods to Eve. He is subtle, clever, and wily. He disguises himself as an angel of light. Just as he lured Adam and Eve away from the Lord promising them fulfillment and delight in what God had forbidden, he seduces us into believing that lust, drugs, pornography, and all the pleasures of this world will deliver the satisfaction we crave.

Over the last couple of weeks, we have been peeling back the layers of recovery. We looked at triggers, both external and internal, that cause us to feel cravings for the addiction. Then there were the mental and emotional states that underlie those triggers, and last time we looked at the automatic thoughts behind our behaviors. We have gone from the surface of the addiction, deeper and deeper. Recovery is not just about stopping a problematic behavior, that is just the beginning. To find long-term sobriety, we have to understand the thoughts and emotions that are built into those behaviors. We have to understand the "why" behind our acting out.

Once we understand our automatic thoughts, we can dig still further, to the root and core of the issue to find the false beliefs and attitudes that are the poisonous seeds from which our addiction grows.

This is how the Apostle Paul described our spiritual struggle: "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds."(2 Corinthians 10:5) This image of a stronghold, or a fortress, is often used as a metaphor for addiction. Just as a fortress may have several layers of defense, our addiction has several layers that we must work through to find lasting sobriety and serenity. The outer perimeter fences, trenches and walls are the behavior itself, the triggers and then the automatic thoughts. As we study these automatic thoughts they will reveal the innermost stronghold, the false ideas, arguments, and beliefs that Satan has built into the very cores of our hearts and minds, usually when we were very young.

One of the leading researchers on sex addiction, Patrick Carnes, has identified four core false beliefs that inevitably feed the addiction cycle of most addicts:

1.  I am basically a bad, unworthy person.

2.  No one would love me as I am.

3.  I am on my own to meet my needs.

4.  Sex is my greatest need. (You can fill in your substance or acting out behavior of choice here.)

(I pulled these from Patrick Carnes' workbook, Facing the Shadow; he also explains them in his book Out of the Shadows which I highly recommend reading if you are a porn or sex addict or know someone who is.)

Every time we act out, we can identify one or more of these false beliefs in operation. We can take a trigger, think about it, find the automatic thought and then from that thought find the false belief. Once we understand the false belief then we can attack it with the truth.

As an example, I may be driving home from work and begin to feel triggered, with thoughts and urges swirling in my head. As I think about it, I realize I am feeling lonely. My automatic thought is, "I am sad because I am going to an empty house, no one is there to welcome me, I might as well enjoy some porn, that would make me feel better."  Then I can analyze that thought and see the false beliefs: "I am on my own to meet my needs." and "Sex or porn is my greatest need." 

I may become angry because somebody disrespected me, and I begin to have fantasies about porn. An automatic thought could be, "I am ticked off right now, porn would help me blow off some steam."  or "Porn would help me relieve this stress and take some control back, to feel dominant again."  Again, we can look at this and see the false beliefs of "Porn is my greatest need." and "I am on my own to meet my needs."

Shame attacks can be particularly troublesome. If I have made major a mistake at work, had a woman break up with me or had some other setback, the feelings of failure that come with that can cause me problems. These automatic thoughts might sound like, "I am such a screw up, I can't believe I did that. At least I can look at porn and feel good again, I always feel powerful and in control when I look at porn."  "I can't believe she dumped me. I guess no one really would love me as I am. I might as well look at porn, at least I can get some simulation of love there."  The false beliefs are fairly clear, it is pretty much all of them: "I am basically a bad, unworthy person."  "No one would love me as I am."  "I am on my own to meet my needs."  "Porn is my greatest need."

Identifying those automatic thoughts and false beliefs can take a great deal of time and effort. Every time I acted out for months if not years, I would work through this process. These thoughts and ideas like to stay hidden in the shadows of our minds, but if we want to find healing, we need to search them out and drag them into the light. All of this takes work, time, and effort. The addiction is not going to unravel on its own, we have to diligently fight it.

Addiction is a war on multiple fronts, physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. Identifying those false beliefs allows us to identify the lies the enemy has been feeding to us. In the next post I want to look at a couple practical tools that have helped me work through these issues.