Desperate Joy

  Addiction is a problem that is deeply rooted in our desires and cravings. We indulge in porn, alcohol, drugs, and all the rest because our hearts are dissatisfied. We believe that we are missing out. That we are deprived in some way. The longings in our hearts are not satisfied, we want more. We want something to fill the void. Filling that hole in our soul is no simple task, and we have learned through hard experience that indulging in the addiction only serves to make those longings and craving worse. But one of the ways that we can learn to be satisfied and content is by practicing gratitude. Over the last few weeks, we have been looking at different tools that we can use to help us find sobriety and serenity. While gratitude is certainly one of the more powerful tools, in some ways it is less of a tool and more of a spiritual or mindset shift. It is a different way of approaching life and the world. In the thick of the addiction, we are always looking at what we lack, f...

  On the journey to recovery there are many tools that we can use to find strength, peace, and sobriety. Last week we looked at one of the most important tools: meetings. Meetings help us to connect with others and borrow their experience and strength. Alongside meetings, making phone calls is a tremendous tool for our recovery. When I first came into Twelve Step meetings in Virginia, there was a consistent message that making phone calls was essential to a healthy program of recovery. The men who had successful programs made calls, and if I wanted the same, I should do likewise. To help with this, they passed out a list with people's names and numbers that we were free to call and encouraged us to reach out any time. I recognized the wisdom in this. Connecting with other people and asking for help is important. If I was feeling triggered to act out and was at risk of relapsing, making a phone call could make the difference between staying sober or not. I realized all this; but...

  For most recovering addicts one of the first actions we take to build recovery and sobriety is attending Twelve Step meetings. My recovery journey started with seeing a therapist, but it did not take too long before I saw the necessity of meetings. I had moved from California to Virginia to start a new job, I was short on cash, so I was not able to get back into therapy. So, while I waited for my first few paychecks to deposit, I started attending Twelve Step meetings. Most people feel some anxiety or apprehension around attending their first meeting, but I didn't. I had talked to other men about the addiction before and had read enough to know that more than likely I would find acceptance, if not affirmation. I looked online and found a meeting at a nearby Catholic church. I found my way to the side entrance and was welcomed. I was recognized as a newcomer and in this group, they did what is called a "Twelfth Step."   Because it is a closed meeting, that is, on...

My purpose for writing this blog is to provide inspiration and encouragement for those struggling with sex addiction. I want to help those who are suffering as I must find a way out. My goal is to serve as a Sherpa, to show others the path that I have taken and help them carry their load. In the thick of the addiction, we often feel desperate and alone, isolated and without hope. We feel stuck on a hamster wheel of destructive behaviors with no way out. But in recovery we discover that we have access to tools. Just as carpenters have hammers, doctors have stethoscopes, mechanics have wrenches and clowns have rubber chickens, recovering addicts have their own set of tools to help them break out of addictive patterns and build sobriety and serenity. There is a collective wisdom that has been passed down through Twelve Step groups and in therapy/psychology that we can access to find the resources we need. The tools have long since been designed and forged, we just need to pick them up...