Meetings - A Forum for Change

 

For most recovering addicts one of the first actions we take to build recovery and sobriety is attending Twelve Step meetings.

My recovery journey started with seeing a therapist, but it did not take too long before I saw the necessity of meetings.

I had moved from California to Virginia to start a new job, I was short on cash, so I was not able to get back into therapy. So, while I waited for my first few paychecks to deposit, I started attending Twelve Step meetings.

Most people feel some anxiety or apprehension around attending their first meeting, but I didn't. I had talked to other men about the addiction before and had read enough to know that more than likely I would find acceptance, if not affirmation.

I looked online and found a meeting at a nearby Catholic church. I found my way to the side entrance and was welcomed. I was recognized as a newcomer and in this group, they did what is called a "Twelfth Step."  Because it is a closed meeting, that is, only sex addicts could attend, a couple of men pulled me to the side and asked why I was there. I told them I was struggling with porn addiction, and they both said, in essence, "Me too, you're in the right place."

I quickly found a strong support network for my recovery in those meetings. I was not alone, there were other men just like me out there who had overcome the addiction and were living in peace and sobriety one day at a time. I found a place where I could speak of my addictive behaviors without fear of rejection or condemnation, rather, I found encouragement and support.

Shame was a major driving force for my addiction. It forced me into hiding behind self-righteousness, false piety, and stoicism. I put on a show for everyone, "Everything's fine!"  "No, me? I'm good!"  Meanwhile, behind the scenes, my life was a dumpster fire. I was breaking apart inside, but outside, I had to look like I had it all together.

At those meetings, I did not have to maintain that facade, I could show all my heartache and pain, my failures, my deepest shame, and be met with love and respect. I did not have to be afraid and hide anymore.

When I slipped back into the addiction, which was frequent for me, every time I found compassion and understanding in the meetings. Never once was I ridiculed or judged. I often felt like I had let myself down, but the men in the meetings never made me feel like I had let them down.

Everybody needs a healthy community to reach their fullest potential; addicts many times more so. We cannot find serenity and sobriety without a recovery tribe around us. We need people that we can lean on for encouragement and strength when our strength and courage have failed. When we are feeling defeated and down, the men and women we find in meetings will lift us up and help us get back on the right track.

There is a collective wisdom that is found in meetings that we can access to find the tools we need to find healing and wholeness. At Twelve Step meetings we do not typically give advice, but we share our experience, strength and hope with each other and we can take what knowledge we need and leave the rest.

In these meetings I have found some the most intimate and important friendships I have ever had. Since I have been incarcerated, I have lost touch with all my other friends, but there are a handful of men in the program that I still contact regularly and have become my dearest and closest confidants.

In the New Testament we are encouraged to gather together for worship and to encourage and strengthen one another. Jesus himself modeled this as he lived out his day-to-day life with his Twelve Disciples. The Disciples carried that idea of community and fellowship into the early church. We find this in Acts 2:41-47,

"41Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and the same day there were added unto them about three thousand souls.

42 And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.

43 And fear came upon every soul; and many wonders and signs were done by the apostles.

44 And all that believed were together and had all things common.

45 And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.

46 And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart,

47 Praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved."

While I don't think that we need to emulate everything the church in the book of Acts did, we are certainly called to fellowship and community. The Apostle Paul in Galatians 6:2 gives us this instruction, "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."  God is teaching us that we need a healthy community of faith if we are going to thrive. The Christian life was meant to be a team sport, and this is much more so important for addicts. We need the help and support of our fellow addicts if we are going to find healing and serenity.

There is faith, hope and love that we can find in meetings that we cannot find anywhere else. Meetings are a tremendous resource for us to draw on to help us in our recovery journey. Meetings are a valuable place for us to connect with others in recovery. Alongside meetings is the important tool of making phone calls. We will look at that next time.

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