Tools of Recovery

My purpose for writing this blog is to provide inspiration and encouragement for those struggling with sex addiction. I want to help those who are suffering as I must find a way out. My goal is to serve as a Sherpa, to show others the path that I have taken and help them carry their load.

In the thick of the addiction, we often feel desperate and alone, isolated and without hope. We feel stuck on a hamster wheel of destructive behaviors with no way out. But in recovery we discover that we have access to tools. Just as carpenters have hammers, doctors have stethoscopes, mechanics have wrenches and clowns have rubber chickens, recovering addicts have their own set of tools to help them break out of addictive patterns and build sobriety and serenity.

There is a collective wisdom that has been passed down through Twelve Step groups and in therapy/psychology that we can access to find the resources we need. The tools have long since been designed and forged, we just need to pick them up and use them. These tools are things like meetings, recovery or spiritual reading, Step work, phone calls, individual or group therapy, exercise, prayer, and meditation.

God is always with us in this journey and is there to help us and provide us with whatever we need to succeed and flourish, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."(Philippians 4:19)  We have relied on our own supply and have found it lacking, leaving us stuck in our sin.  But God's supply is infinite, more boundless than the ocean, and when we come to him, he will gladly give us the tools we need to succeed.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:13) There are many times we will feel overwhelmed, buried under the weight of temptation, but God is good and faithful. He will always provide us with a way out, if we are willing to seek after him and utilize the powerful resources he has made available to us in Christ Jesus. The addiction feels unbearable at times, but God assures us that we can bear it and find restoration and healing. He wants nothing more than for us to thrive in Christ.

Around my sophomore or junior year in high school my ego became inflated. My head swelled several sizes too large. I was intelligent and ahead of my class academically and as a result I came into most classes with the attitude that those teachers did not have anything to offer me. I already knew the answers, or I could find them myself in the textbooks. I didn't need any help. There were a few times I was vocal with this scorn. My teachers did not take this well and I got into some trouble. I failed to realize that those teachers had skill and wisdom that I did not have, and I would have done well to realize it. Even if there was not much they had to teach me scholastically, I still needed to learn to be quiet and show respect. With that attitude of arrogance there was nothing I could learn, and I stopped growing.

This attitude of pride and self-righteousness continued to some degree through my adult years and helped to keep me captive to porn addiction. It was only when I was willing to humble myself and begin to ask for help that I could find the help I needed to get sober.

This is the fundamental principle underlying all the tools. We must come with an attitude of humility, willing to ask for and receive help. If we think we don't need help and can fix our own problems our own way, odds are that we will not find recovery.  We will stay stuck in the same old patterns.

As with many tools, at first they may feel clumsy and awkward. Anyone who picks up a hammer for the first time is bound to whack a thumb a few times before he gets the hang of it. Nobody learns to ride a bicycle without taking some tumbles. Each tool will take time and practice to get used to and become skilled at using, but as we continue to practice using them, we will become increasingly skilled. We will learn better how useful they really are, and how much they have impacted our lives over the long term. Using them will almost become instinctive, automatic.

None of these tools is a silver bullet, it takes multiple tools and much time and effort to make effective use of them. As a part of the larger program of recovery, these tools work. I have seen them work in my life and I know they will work in anyone's life who is willing to use them.

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