Reading in Recovery

 

Very early on, my parents and schoolteachers instilled in me a love for reading, and I am grateful for that today. As a young man, I cultivated a habit of always reading a book of some form and I have carried that into adulthood. Early on, this was largely just for pleasure, reading novels and such, but as I matured, I became interested in personal growth and would mix in nonfiction as well.

In my early twenties I began to realize that I had something of a serious problem with porn and began to look for books that would help me. These were encouraging and enriching, and gave me helpful insights and tools. I think most importantly, they helped me to know that I was not alone in the addiction. There were other men, just like me, who loved the Lord, served in ministry, and had battled through porn addiction.

Once I got into therapy and Twelve Step groups, books became even more important. They became handbooks and instruction guides to help me make my way through recovery. Therapists and friends in the program would recommend different books and I would read and study them. In many ways books have been the bricks and mortar of my recovery.

One of the more menacing aspects of addiction is denial. We believe that we don't really have a problem, or we convince ourselves that our problems are not that bad. Books can help us break through denial by revealing the blind spots in our thinking. We can read stories of other people coming to the realization that porn is ruining their lives and how they came to overcome it. As addicts we have many errors in our attitudes and beliefs that we are often blind to, and books can shine a light on these problems. Our recovery may be limited because we are stuck in a certain way of looking at things and books can help us come at situations from different angles. It is easy to stay blind to our denial, but reading can open our eyes.

Another problem we face is that our addict minds and thoughts run away from our control and throw us into turmoil. If we can learn to control our thoughts and direct them into more wholesome categories, then we can learn to control the addiction and with time overcome it. What books can do is help us focus and control our thoughts. If nothing else, at least while we are reading our thoughts will not be running away to porn, that is, if we are able to focus properly. There certainly have been many times when my brain has run away from me into all manner of uncleanness while I have been trying to read. But even in those times, we can practice turning away from the lustful thoughts and engaging with the helpful material. Changing how our minds work is a major part of recovery and books can assist with that.

For many years I have made it a daily discipline to do fifteen minutes of Step work. Mostly this has been written Step work, often in different workbooks. At this point, I am currently just reading through a Twelve Step book. I also try to take about fifteen minutes to read through another non-fiction book, usually dealing with spirituality, but I may pick up books on recovery or other areas of interest.

A few books that have been helpful for me:

"Alcoholics Anonymous"

"Sex Addicts Anonymous"

"The Gifts of Imperfection" By Brene Brown

"Healing the Shame that Binds You" by John Bradshaw

"Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes

This is by no means exhaustive, nor is it prescriptive. Everyone's journey in recovery is unique. But what we should strive to do is seek after the truth. If we are talking to other men in recovery, they will be able to offer suggestions for books, or we can do our own search and study for books that interest us.

In our reading, we should never neglect our Bibles. I have long made it a practice to read, study and memorize the Scriptures on a daily basis. The Bible is the ultimate source of the Truth and allows us to tap into the mind of God to find healing and renewal. My attitude toward the Bible is far different than toward any other book. I am not reading for information, or for useful tools and ideas. I am reading to connect with God, to learn his heart and mind, to allow his voice to speak life into my heart. Jesus said this, "If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; and ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:32)

If we are not used to reading, developing the habit may be difficult and challenging, it will take discipline to get going. But even just taking a few minutes each day to read will make a profound difference. Over time we will grow accustomed to the practice and before too long we will find ourselves enjoying it.

In books we are able to tap into the experience and the wisdom of other men who have traveled the arduous path of recovery before us. We can learn from their experience without having to make the same mistakes that they did. A great deal of pain, heartache, false starts, and back tracking can be avoided if we can learn and apply what these authors can teach us.

Many people in recovery also find it helpful to have some sort of exercise routine as part of their program, we will discuss that in the next post.

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