Using Therapy for Recovery

 

Even from when I was a teenager, I recognized that porn was not a healthy habit and did not line up with the values taught by Jesus Christ.  I wanted to stop.  I wanted to change, but did not really know how.

When I was in college, I worked and labored to be free of porn, but was not able to find deliverance.  There was a point where I recognized that I needed to talk to someone.  I needed to ask for help.  I stood outside the door of my favorite teacher there, but lost the courage and walked away.

Several years later, in my mid-twenties, I once again realized that I needed to talk to someone about my addiction.  There was a pastor at my church that I respected and did some ministry work with and I sat down at Panda Express and told him what was going on.  He was encouraging and affirming, but he told me he probably wasn't a good fit to get counseling.  He sent me to another pastor.  He was also encouraging, but felt like he was out of his depth and encouraged me to find a therapist.

I looked online and found a Christian therapist in the area and set an appointment.  Having that appointment with that therapist is what I consider to be the beginning of my recovery journey.

In previous posts I have discussed the importance of Twelve Step groups, and those have been tremendously helpful on my journey to find healing.  But I have gained much from seeing therapists as well.

Therapists usually have a different approach to recovery than that of Twelve Step groups.  In the Twelve Steps we do not look too much at our childhood and the environment we grew up in.  We may take inventory of some things there, but it is more of a superficial thing.  We do work at letting go of resentments and making amends for our failures, but outside of that, we do not drill into the past too much.  What's past is past, and we let it stay there.

In therapy I looked in more detail at some of those issues, and dug deeper into the "why" of the addiction.  Why was I looking at porn?  Why did I look at the porn I was looking at?  What was going on in my life when I first became addicted?  And so on.

Therapists look at those first exposures and the environment we grew up in to try to find any old, inner wounds so we can learn to deal with those issues in healthy ways.  They help us uncover emotional wounds that can give us insights that will help us on our recovery journey.

In therapy we also discussed some of what is going on in the neurochemistry of the brain when we are addicted.  We learn about the wiring of the brain and how that works to trip us up, and also how we can manage those problems.

One of the Christian counsellors I spoke with emphasized the spiritual conflict involved in the addiction, that is, the struggle with Satan and his demons.  This has been an important part of my recovery journey, but, typically, therapists do not focus too much on these spiritual matters.

It is good to remember that not all therapists will be a good fit.  We should not feel bad about stepping away from a certain therapist if it is not working.  This is something that has been challenging for me, since I tend to be a people-pleaser.  But therapists are professionals, and most of them are over-booked anyway, so seeing a different one should not be difficult.

An important part of therapy, or any program of recovery, is being rigorously honest.  Early on, when I was seeing therapists, I was not completely honest about all my struggles, specifically my issues with illegal porn.  I just told them I was struggling with porn in general.  In my Twelve Step groups it was much the same.  We will only get out of therapy what we put into it.  If we are guarded and hesitant, then that is going to limit how much help we can get.  (But, keep in mind, therapists are mandated reporters, so if you do commit a crime, they are required to turn you in.  So if you share, keep it vague, "I've been struggling with certain fantasies...")

I did group therapy for a while as well.  They had me work through a few workbooks that were helpful, and the groups functioned much like a Twelve Step group.  In Twelve Step groups we typically don't give feedback, but in therapy, the therapist and the other members will give feedback, this was usually a positive and encouraging thing.  Group therapy is usually quite a bit cheaper than individual therapy as well, though many times my medical insurance paid for it, but not always.  This cost can be prohibitive for some, but group therapy can be a good gateway for those with a tighter budget.

I believe one of the key differences between therapy and Twelve Steps is that there is a point where we no longer need therapy.  Just as there are points when we no longer need a medical doctor.  If we have resolved our mental and emotional issues and have developed healthy coping skills, then we can step away from therapy.

With Twelve Steps, however, it is important for us to continue to carry the message and serve others as a part of our ongoing recovery.

I have known men who found sobriety and serenity through working with a therapist, and I have known those who found sobriety and serenity through working the Twelve Steps.  It does seem to me that Twelve Steps is a more effective program and that would be the first step I would recommend to those trying to get sober.  But doing something is better than doing nothing, our determination to get clean and the willingness to change our lives is the most important thing.

Making a habit of digging in to both good spiritual and recovery literature in order to learn and connect with God on a regular basis is another important tool for recovery.  We will look into that more next time.

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