We Should Hope We Get Caught
As you may or may not be aware, I am currently in prison. Prison,
as you might expect, is filled with all manner of criminals. Of course, I am
one of them, but my desire is to no longer commit crimes. Many of my neighbors
have no such concerns, but rather are perfectly happy to continue breaking the
law.
This becomes an interesting dynamic. For the most part this
law and rule breaking is not that serious. Usually, it involves using cell phones,
drugs, or alcohol. These are clearly against the rules and if you get caught
with any of these things you can get in serious trouble and either lose good
time or have time added to your sentence.
Then there are the smaller, less serious rules. Even among
my Christian friends there are those who believe it is okay to break some of
these rules. There is a policy here that we are not allowed to take any food
out of the dining hall after meals. So even if we can't finish all the food on
our tray either because we do not have the appetite or because we do not have
enough time (we are often rushed out before we can finish), we have to either
give it to someone else or throw it away.
Of course, some of us are sneaky and find ways to smuggle
food out. Often this is as simple as putting an apple in your pocket. Some guys
get more sophisticated in order to sneak out larger quantities of food. On the
way out of the dining hall the cops will often pat us down and if they find the
food, they will confiscate it. Often the cops will call this taking of food
"stealing."
When I first got here, from time to time I would sneak out
apples or other small things. A few times I got caught. I never got into any
serious trouble, but it did lead to interactions with the guards that I would
rather avoid. I would say it is equivalent to getting pulled over for speeding
and getting a warning. Most of the time, if you are clever, you are able to
sneak out food without it being an issue.
What I found, though, is that this created a tension, a
sense of dissonance or pressure in my spirit, my heart and mind. That peace I
enjoy with God, myself, and the world was disturbed. That calm, placid lake in
my heart suddenly had a large rock thrown into it. Even if the cops did not
pull me over to pat me down, I still had a feeling of unease as I walked past
them. "Are they going to pat me down?" "Are they going to find the apple, am I
going to get in trouble?"
Though there was a puckish part of me that enjoyed the game.
"Can I get one past them today?"
"Am I going to get away with it?" It is a bit of a rush.
After a few weeks of this I decided that I did not like that
loss of peace. I enjoy having the tranquility that comes from knowing that I
don't have anything at all to feel guilty about, there is nothing I can get in
trouble for. I have nothing to hide.
I don't want to live my life looking over my shoulder, I
want to live my life hoping I get caught.
I also remembered the verses in the Bible that command me to
obey those who have authority over me (See Romans 13). I am supposed to honor
and respect those in authority, even if I don't like them or agree with them. Many
times, we are exhorted to be servants, and servants do as they are told.
I used to teach in a Christian school and from time to time
I would preach in the chapel services. At one point, I presented a hypothetical
situation to the high school students. It went something like this: Imagine you are in your room alone. Your
parents are off busy doing something, maybe even out shopping or the like. Your
door is shut. What kind of activity are you involved in? What are you doing
when you believe no one will see? You are doing that activity and suddenly the
door swings open and your dad or mom pops in. What do they catch you doing? Is
it something you would be glad they saw? Or is it something you would feel
ashamed about?
We should always be living our lives hoping to get caught.
James 4:17 says this, "Therefore to him that knoweth to
do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin."
In most situations we know what the right thing is to do. If
we have put our faith in Christ, we have the Holy Spirit within us to teach us
and guide us as well. Anytime we do something that we know isn't right, even
something small, and it disturbs that inner tranquility or violates our
conscience, we are committing sin. Colossians 3:15 encourages us to "let
the peace of God rule in your hearts."
This is a mark of Christian maturity. Young, immature
Christians often make excuses and rationalize their sins. Mature Christians
recognize that abiding in Christ is always better than whatever payoff, thrill
or pleasure sin might offer them. They willingly sacrifice, take up their
crosses and follow him, recognizing there is a greater reward in walking closely
with the Lord.
Proverbs 28:1 offers this wisdom, "The wicked flee when
no man pursueth: but the righteous are as bold as a lion." It is the wicked who are always looking over
their shoulders, always vigilant lest they be caught in their sin. It is the
righteous that walk in peace and boldness, knowing that if people find out what
they have been doing in their most private moments, it will only reveal good
things.
I don't want to have to be anxious or worried that I might
get caught, I want to have that boldness knowing that I could be caught at any
time and have peace to know that nothing will be found amiss. If I get a letter
from the IRS, I don't want to have to worry that they might find I have been
dishonest. I want them to find out how generous I have been with my giving. If
my boss does an unexpected inspection, I want him to find that I have been
diligent and responsible. In everything I do, I want to be above reproach.
Taking food from the dining hall here is hardly a major
crime, it is what the Catholic church might call a venial sin. But it is still
a sin, it is disobedience. I don't think any of us, myself included, follow all
the rules perfectly, but I want to be living my life with a clear conscience. I
want to live my life hoping I get caught. I hope I get caught reading my Bible
and praying. I hope I get caught being kind and generous. I hope I get caught
leading a Bible study. I want to be doing those things that I know strengthen
and reinforce the peace and joy that I have in the Lord. It is often the
smallest things that make the biggest difference in the long run.
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